Critical Response 1, Week 10

Response to Sydney's Improv 5, Week 8:

The lack of line breaks coupled with the emphasis on narrative makes this improv move like smooth and wonderful prose. I think what the draft could benefit from would be instances of jarring concision, what first came to mind was the sentence, "If Penelope knew anything absolute it was beauty--that she alone possessed." What we have know seems to add this odd element of narcissism to Penelope, which you could retain if that's what you're going for but assuming you're not I think some quick tucks would benefit: If Penelope knew anything, it was beauty. Maybe some more in the description: Hair--long waves of fire, eyes allure like siren sounds. She knew she was a goddess. I like what you're doing here. I'm glad we can go back and address Penelope, how she was feeling forced to wait at home for her adulterous husband, expected to be chaste only to have her husband return and act downright ridiculous. Anyway, please expand. I'd like to know a little more about the real Persephone--the one who lives, thinks, breathes, and misses the angst of a husband. Kudos.